I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
