she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize