i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
