Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
