I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
