I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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