So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
