Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
