the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
