dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So much rum. So many feels.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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