:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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