ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
