Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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