He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
