bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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