Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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