cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
