Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
