he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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