Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
