you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
