So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
