I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
