I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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