I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize