I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
