my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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