i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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