Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
