i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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