I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
