I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
