nut hugger
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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