I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
