i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
