ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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