I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
