For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
