I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Randomize
