My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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