okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
