Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
