would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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