It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
