I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I want a musical about memes.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize