You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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