It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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