If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
