I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
