some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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