Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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