I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
