I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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