I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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