Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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