So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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