So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
