I wanna bring you to show and tell
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
