# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
