Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
