How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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