You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
