How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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