Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
false alarm. still invincible.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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